‘You’re too nice’ is basically a backhanded compliment and while it’s not always intended to sublimely insult, quite often it can mean; ‘I secretly underestimate you’, ‘I pity your naivety’ or ‘you make me look/feel/sound bad’. In my opinion, there are many worse things you can be called than nice, so if this is your ‘flaw’ calling card - own it. This is a tribute to the flawed…

 

From what I’ve experienced, people generally fear or loathe what they don’t understand. So while it’s not your duty to teach the world how you are, who you are and why you do the things you do, it’s normal to encounter dissonance and resistance along the way. People will inevitably learn the how, who and why of you by demonstration - so be prepared for opinions. 

 

We forget that it’s easier to be a jerk, over a gem. We all have schoolyard instincts to react from the gut, calling people out on foolishness, foibles and f*ck ups, but to approach others with tact, dignity and grace - well that’s classy, that’s adult. ‘Niceness’ (‘tact’) is something that's cultivated by leaders worldwide…

 

If you’re breaking a cultural trend in the workplace by being sociable, polite or strictly professional, remember that these subtleties can be intimidating to others in a way that surprises both them and you. If you're the one offering sage advice to friends in need when no-one else shows up, some might call it stupid or ‘soft’ – but who's making the assessment? Assessments - are contextual. So whatever you have - own it; you’re leading, whether you realize it or not.

 

Remember: It’s easy to downplay a person but it’s an investment to build them up. So if someone leans to push you down, it’s probably because they don’t have the tools, energy or conviction to lift themselves up. Assessments are not personal - they're contextual.

 

Elevation is not easy – it takes work. The 'ground floor' of life is easy and familiar – we all start there (many stay there) and we all know it well. It can be hard to not let others push you to their level, though it would indeed be ‘too nice’, to take one long drop down for one person…

 

At the end of the day, whatever 'too' you are - too nice, too smart, too serious, too formal - it’s not your business. If someone is kind enough to let you know what he or she thinks of you, take it on as an advantage. You now have a window into his or her ideologies (when you receive undue criticism), or can now reflect and develop yourself (when you gain meaningful critique).

 

DISCLAIMER; if you’re constantly being told ‘you’re too nice’, consider that a) you’re in crappy company or b) you’re putting energy where it’s not appreciated. Either way, NOW you’re in a good position; now you can seek alternative company and/or fulfilling appreciation.

 

In 2015 - energy is more valuable than money. Make sure that what you’re investing into is rewarding you with a fair and equitable return…

 

That’s not capitalism – or being ‘too nice’; that’s common sense ;)

 

 

Written by Abby Kempe for AK Services LTD.