Let’s be honest (amidst a data drop of dishonesty), the moral substance behind Ashley Madison was already a black hole, but its data implosion built a bottomless pit.

 

If the patrons of Ashley Madison were deceptive, the data repository (Avid Life Media) were Decepta-Con. Crème-de-la-crème.

 

Call the catastrophe ‘karma’, call it bad data management, call it divine intervention. Whatever you call it, the implosion is an impeccable caution against their tidy tryst slogan ‘Life is short. Have an affair.’

 

With two unconfirmed associated suicides, a pending class action, voluminous damage claims, countless divorce instructions, millions of late-night confrontations and family breakdowns, this ‘brilliant’ commercial concept, has just come undone.

 

As millions tackle real-time indiscretion, millions more serve ‘metaphoric’ for dinner: ‘Would you? Have you? If you did, would you tell me?’

 

Whether you agree or disagree with a platform that facilitates and capitalizes on infidelity, there’s something bigger than cheating when it comes to managing the information of millions, and that’s the right to privacy.

 

Now you could say that the patrons of Ashley Madison ‘deserve what they get’. After all, infidelity is widely despised, but when a global spotlight results in suicide, do they really?

 

The big question now, is how are the various parties in this event going to consider and support the safety of members, ex-members and their affected families? What measures will be put in place, to support their trauma?

 

Even if this data-dump was some kind of justice for those who were deceived by partners, public fervor would surely detract from any ability to be truly introspective.

 

How can anyone decide ‘what do I do now?’ When every day, new ‘shame-stories’ are being published and propagated?

 

‘Look at him! He said he was good – but he’s not!’

‘Did you read her profile? Disgusting!’

Ashley Madison was already marred in substance, now it seems malicious.

 

At the end of the day, 37million people is not just a headline, it’s 37million people who have homes, loved ones and families. Millions of people breaking apart, coming undone and being publically shamed – directly or indirectly.

 

Shaming individuals is not solution to infidelity, and that’s part of the bigger question that no-one is asking out loud.

 

Why do people cheat? Why do SO many people cheat? How do we solve/stop/fix cheating?

 

This is the real dialogue we need to be having. These are helpful conversations we need to be engaging in. Not who messed up or got it wrong.

How many people get married saying ‘I do, (until I want to cheat/lie/deceive)’? Don’t most get married saying ‘I do, (no matter the struggles)’?

 

 

And for those who have actively involved or told partners of their participation in trysts, each to their own.

 

When people cheat, more often than not, it’s a vulnerable, lost, isolating time. Having commercial groups that capitalize on that vulnerable time is what is truly shameful.

 

Of course, many actively pursued affairs, enjoying anonymity and a buffet of booty. How chilling now to be not only detached from the fantasy of no consequence, but with social commentary too…

 

So if we’re going to talk:

Let’s talk about why Ashley Madison was so successful.

Let’s talk about why you or your (ex)partner cheated.

Let’s get to a core that's bigger than scandal and shame.

37million people is no small number;

 

There’s a very big people lesson to be a learned in a very big number.

 

 

Written by Abby Kempe for AK Services LTD.